I am still learning

Meal Planning & Cleaning Rules (I'm backkk)

2012-01-25T16:18:00.000-08:00

I decided to take a month break from facebooking and blogging, but I've since realized blogging is a great tool for me so I'm back. I'm keeping my promise on the facebook break though, I'm realizing more and more how unhealthy it really is. Also right now being positive is difficult for me with all that is going on, so deep posts for now will go into my private journal where I can vent and let loose without judgement.

So with me being pregnant, cooking and cleaning has went on the back burner. Every smell is making my stomach turn, I even had to unplug all of our glade plug-ins... anything that has a smell, is too much! Cleaning products (even natural like vinegar) makes me sick. The smells of food makes me sick. Somedays I wonder if I'm really just pregnant or if I have the flu.

To describe our house into a nutshell, it's a disaster.

So for the last two days I have willed myself to clean and cook, and things are slowly going back into order. I find I have to push myself to just breath out of my mouth and try, otherwise things will fall apart. It's hard being pregnant!

So in order to help myself, I have put into place a few new rules that I hope slowly will turn into habit...

Dishes, not a single one is allowed in the sink! Never. Ever. Ever! LOL...

It goes STRAIGHT into the dishwasher. This use to be my rule, but I got sick and tired and let things go... thinking Joel would pick up my slack. And he does help, occasionally, but in less cleaning and doing dishes are a habit, doing it occasionally will not cut it and soon I'll find myself with a pile of dishes to do. Also since I'm pregnant, I've been buying paper plates and plastic cups. As much as the hippy in me wants to NOT buy these things, I have since let go of the guilt and allowed myself the luxury. Hopefully soon my new "no dishes in the sink" rule will help me get rid of the disposable plates and cups.

Cooking: This has been an absolute challenge! Just looking at a cook book, pinterest or anything with food makes me ehhh. But it needs to be done. Our eating habits have slowly turned to take-out or not eating at all (me) because I can't stomach it. It's not healthy and I have to bite the bullet and do it anyways. So, today I'm drawing up a new master list of meals to choose from that will weed out all of the gross foods I've had to stare at lately.

Here goes, our Master List for Meal Planning (edited frequently)...

Main Course:
kabobs in the oven
homemade pizza
French Toast casserole
orange chicken
whole wheat fettuccini alfredo & veggies (or chicken)
baked BBQ chicken
baked teriyaki chicken
chicken and dumplings
pineapple, bacon bbq burgers
chicken pot pie
grandma Geuy's chili
mexican casserole
fajitas
hamburgers
lasagna
meatloaf
pot roast & veggies in the crock pot
bbq pulled pork sandwiches in the crock pot
spaghetti
steak
stir fry
pancakes
light broccoli cheese soup
breakfast casserole
healthy homemade chicken tenders
sweet peas, sausage and potatoes
Kyle's Crap (my brother in law's recipe, cabbage, italian sausage, onion & potatoes)
Bahama Mama's sausage, potatoes & Sour Crowd (sp?)
pork chops
quiche

Sides:
mushrooms in butter
stuffed mushrooms
deviled eggs
rice
baked potato
baked sweet potato
mashed potatoes
cheesy potatoes
bacon
green bean casserole
cheese ball & crackers (catalina/onion)
baked sweet potato
steak fries

fruit:
strawberries
oranges
watermelon
bananas
apples
grapes
pineapple

veggies:
corn
zucchini
salad
green beans
sweet peas
avocado

breakfast:
homemade glazed donuts
homemade sinful cinnamon rolls
pancakes
waffles
eggs

desserts:
crock-pot baked apples
sinful banana pie

Photo Credit: Zdenek Pachl

Taking a break

2012-01-16T17:19:00.000-08:00

I've decided to take a break from facebook and blogging for a month. My reasons vary, but my biggest is stress.

Yep... that's about it.

I was hoping to write this post one day.

2012-01-12T14:08:00.000-08:00

A lot of my posts from December are encrypted with worry and doubt...

Subconscious
she's all laid up in bed with a broken heart...

I wrote these when I knew we were pregnant, but I didn't know if it was another ectopic pregnancy.

Everything was happening as it did last time; negative pregnancy tests and then positive the next week. I wanted so badly to just talk it out, but Joel's not the talking type when he's genuinely upset. We were both hurting. We were keeping it a secret too so it was extra hard. Why do we do this to ourselves?

The thought of another day like this, killed me.

I posted this music video when I really needed him, but I didn't know how to say it...

I was in the bedroom when I heard him play the video. I heard him slowly get up and come into our room, and he gave me a hug and I just sobbed. It was exactly what I needed. God, just writing it here makes me cry. It was everything I needed.

Now here we are around four or five blood tests and two ultrasounds later... with a normal pregnancy. I have morning sickness like a mother (pun intended) so I know my body is doing what it's suppose to.

We can finally stop holding our breath...

feel the rain

2012-01-12T11:40:00.000-08:00

Both images found on pinterest.

ridiculous

2012-01-02T01:26:00.000-08:00

This is happening more often then I'd like it to admit...

I live for today.

2011-12-24T22:23:00.000-08:00

And today, we're pregnant!

We decided to spill the beans after two blood tests, only done because of my paranoia... no signs of anything except a healthy pregnancy.

We asked my sister Jessica, and Joel's brother Chris to make the announcement for us in a sneaky way... we asked them to volunteer to say prayer before eating at our family Christmas parties, and say a normal prayer but at the very end say very quickly, "And I pray for a healthy baby for Olivia and Joel amen!"

Then wait for the reaction. It was fun. Lots of screams, hugs, kisses and talking to my belly.

My mom kept saying it was the best gift, and Joel's Mom gave me a million kisses and then said she was about to cry.

We're very excited. We were hesitant, Joel especially, to get excited... but after today we are letting ourselves feel what you're suppose to feel when you get those two lines.

This is the last Christmas as the three of us, next year... it will be the four of us.

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

she's all laid up in bed with a broken heart...

2011-12-20T07:07:00.001-08:00

subconscious

2011-12-18T22:42:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what you know, but you don't know....

Only time will tell.

_________________________________

-a list of little things we should appreciate

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

-Robert Brault

Water for Elephants

2011-12-17T19:16:00.000-08:00

Watching "Water for Elephants" tonight... it just dawned on me that this past Spring, when I was reading the book, it was also the time I got pregnant. I guess it has a little bit of sentimental value to me.

Probably seems strange to most, but when you don't have much to remember about your child... you grab onto whatever you can.

Guess I'll always have a soft spot for that book, let's hope the movie doesn't let me down, I heard it's amazing.

After linking the word "child" to our story... it dawned on me that maybe I shouldn't use that word. But I want to. Joel wouldn't like it, probably some family members too, but it's what I choose to believe. Most want to forget... pretend it didn't happen, but I can't do that. I won't do that. I'm not trying to be depressing, just trying to be real. It's still hard to call what some only consider an "ectopic pregnancy" a child... like I'm putting more effort and emotion into something I shouldn't. Least that's how people make me feel. Some correct me... they fucking correct me...

Okay this is getting way too depressing, it was suppose to be a happy post... here, smile :)

Off to go to snuggle in bed and watch (a hopefully) amazing movie :)

_________________________________

-a list of little things we should appreciate

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

-Robert Brault

Photo: http://pinterest.com/pin/266767977897088833/

less habit, more intention

2011-12-15T08:05:00.001-08:00

Homemade Laundry Soap

2011-12-14T19:22:00.000-08:00

I've seen several different versions of this, but this is the recipe I used. It's very similar to the Duggar's recipe that they use for their 19 kids and counting.

I've done several loads of laundry today and it does the job just fine and your clothes are not hard as a board afterwards (this was a strange fear of mine). I spent $26 with tax for everything, but I also bought name brand oxi clean; I clearly wasn't thinking. I normally spend $10-$15 per month on laundry soap so this should save us at least $60 or more.

And I can't believe you only use 2TBSP per load! Say what?!?
(2 TBSP is recommended for a large load/ heavily soiled load, and 1TBSP for a normal light load.)

This stuff I heard is suppose to last 9 months to a year (for those averaging 6-8 loads per week). I'll update this once we run out :)

Here we go!

What you'll Need:

1- 55 oz. box of Arm & Hammer Super Washing Soda
(Baking Soda will not work, nor will Arm & Hammer Detergent - It must be sodium carbonate!)

1- 76 oz. box of Borax

OPTIONAL: 2- 3lb tubs (or around there) of Oxi Clean to fight stains. I have a three year old so I just feel better adding this to the mix. I chose the perfume and dye free kind. Next time, I will also choose the store brand to save even more. I was in a rush.

3 bars of Pink Zote Soap
(Or you can use Fels-Naptha bar soap, Sunlight, Kirk's Hardwater Castile bars.)

***ALL of these items I found at Walmart right next to each other, it was insanely simpler than expected!

I also needed a large container for the Laundry room, so I stopped by GoodWill and picked up a glass container for $1.99 and it came with a scoop. (Shown in very last photo below.) However, this recipe is so large it filled the container and two large plastic bowls so be ready to store it.

Step 1: Grate your soap bars... I used a hand held cheese grater but I promise you I will be purchasing a nicer cheese grater for the future after this experience.

Step 2: Mix everything!

I used a trash bag in a huge tub (originally stolen from Jack's room).... however, the bag broke so I just mixed it in the tub and later rinsed it out. I would suggest not using a trash bag, I got the bright idea to shake it like baked chicken and it ripped right through because the weight of the soap.

Step 3: Pour into containers and you're finished! Ta-Da!

I specifically put a 1TBSP measuring spoon in our jar because "eyeing it" means using too much and losing the purpose of all this- to save money.

This was insanely simple! Now go try it and let me know what you think.

***A friend of mine (Thanks Jenn!) suggested adding essence oils like lavender to your mix to give it nice fragrance, I think I may try this in the future.

Anyone else make their own soap? What is your recipe?

Our Winter Bucket List

2011-12-12T17:49:00.000-08:00

Bucket lists are fun, they help you map out all that you want to do and gives you ideas on days that are slow and uneventful. We made a summer bucket list earlier this year and it was fun going back and crossing things off our list, although we didn't do everything, we mindfully chose activities from the list when we needed some ideas.

So here's our winter bucket list...

~~Visit Santa~~

Watch "It's a Wonderful Life"

~~Put up the Christmas tree as a family while listening to Christmas tunes~~

Drink yummy mint hot chocolate

Prepare a yummy Christmas morning breakfast

~~Go Christmas shopping with Joel for Jack~~

Wrap all Presents (no bags! Our first year of marriage EVERYONE'S gift was in a bag, ha!)

~~Make a gingerbread house w/Jack~~

Make homemade gifts

Go to Clifton Mills to see the lights and Santa display

Take a horse drawn carriage ride with blankets

Build a snowman

Have a snowball fight

~~Read "The Night Before Christmas"~~

Have a living room picnic

Go sledding in the front yard (we have a huge hill)

Go sledding with nieces and nephews

~~Give to a charity~~

~~Read "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"~~

Make a few visits to Grandparents, we all suffer from Cabin fever this time of year!

~~Have Santa visit Jack in our home (I bought Joel a suit on Jack's 1st Christmas to start a family tradition)~~

Get creative with "Elf on a Shelf." Jack absolutely loves this tradition, I'd never heard of it until our Dentist told us about it, now it's everywhere! Here's where we got our "Elf" and with free shipping.

Make some fancy, fun dishes for Christmas like THIS! mmMmmM

Do a craft with Jack that tells the true meaning of Christmas.

Put lights outside or some fun decoration. (This usually never happens. We hate raising our electric bill.)

Send out our annual Holiday card with a photo of Jack. (Must do this SOON!)

Go tubing at Mad River Mountain with Jack. It's less than five minutes from our house so I'll be very disappointed if this isn't crossed off our list! (Don't let the name confuse you, it's snow tubing!)
***[I took this photo a few days back while passing Mad River Mountain on the way to a client's home, no snow yet, so they're making their own.]

Make play-dough

~~Bake cookies~~

Go ice skating

Bundle up and take a nature walk in the snow

~~Watch "The Santa Clause"~~

We are always looking to expand our horizons, what's on your bucket list?

-a list of little things we should appreciate-

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

-Robert Brault

gray world

2011-11-16T20:25:00.000-08:00

A lot is on my mind.

I feel like people who give you black and white answers are ridiculous.

I live in a gray world.

Photo:http://pinterest.com/pin/465169062/

life

2011-11-15T23:42:00.000-08:00

"Some people drift through their entire life. They do it one day at a time, one week at a time, one month at a time. It happens so gradually they are unaware of how their lives are slipping away until it's too late."

-Mary Kay Ash

(such is life)

Photo: http://pinterest.com/pin/266767977897130114/

So I played the lottery...

2011-10-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, after a budget tight week I was feeling "lucky" (yes, I am "that" type of person) and bought three powerball tickets on the way home from our annual pumpkin road trip.

I heard on the radio that the jackpot drawling was that night (I never play the lottery, but talk about wanting to win it like every other American) so I stopped by a Marathon gas station just to purchase the numbers.

Once back in the car and heading home, I mentioned to Joel we should pretend we already won... what would we buy or do with the money? We agreed on buying the house we live in now, adding an in-ground pool with a heater and glass over it, fencing in the yard and buying a trampoline. Oh and a hybrid car for me and a Cadillac for Joel. We would also add onto the home a "studio" for me. We would buy a boat, go on a cruise and take our first out of country vacation to Italy (my dream!)

We then talked about giving money away... I talked about wanting to help people, maybe open a women's shelter for homeless pregnant mothers and their babies.

Joel stopped me and told me, "saying that won't make God happier and make your chances for winning go up."

I was stunned... no more like pissed. I meant what I said. I would want to do something like that. He gave me a sideways look.

(How the hell does he make a hoddie hilarious? HOW?)

That's when it started to settle in, things are going uphill in a hurry... Joel went on about the guns he would buy, the gun store he would love to open etc.

It totally freaked me the H out! I would never want to own a gun shop. I trust Joel, but the rest of the world- I do not! There are a lot of weirdos out there, and I would hate to sell a gun to even ONE of them.

(I have no idea what is going on here? Weird children.)

The "hippy" in me was coming out, and the hunter in Joel was coming out. We began to argue over money we didn't even have... money in theory. We stopped talking about winning. And secretly to myself, I hoped we didn't win, but then I did want to win... it was weird.

We both even agreed that having that much money would cause a million problems in our marriage and maybe even destroy us.

Winning didn't sound like so much fun anymore. I started to feel silly for buying those tickets.

I went to bed that night early, before the powerball numbers were drawn. I didn't care, but I did... but it could wait until tomorrow.

I checked the number the next afternoon, we lost... of course.

I felt foolish. Why do I want MONEY? THINGS? I HATE THINGS! Does this make sense to anyone?

I re-read an old journal entry today, and it's one I re-read often to remind me what life is about... sometimes we get too caught up in materialism, it's really sad. And what's even more sad, some people will read this post and not understand a single fucking thing I'm talking about.

____________________

April 6, 2011, 11:14pm (sitting on the couch)

The boys are asleep. It seems much later than it really is.

Today was wasted on movies from the library, phone calls to dealerships, and subway.

I wasted the day longing for a car I shouldn't. We can't afford it and I don't know why I entertained the idea so long. I fed myself the lie that a car would make me happier. I was doing the math on how much we spend in gas and got sucked into the idea... silly really.

"Happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have." - Crystal Bennett

Poor Joel had to hear me carry on. He works so hard to provide for us and here I am going on and on about a $24,000 car! I know we're all guilty of this, but I thought I was more mindful.

"Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times." -Anonymous

People don't work their whole life just to drive a car off a lot. They work to live. And buying a new car is not living, otherwise... like, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" was saying, movies would be very boring if the whole time you just watched a man work then buy a new car... and how you'd be pissed and feel robbed and want your money back. How great stories, also make great lives. Are you following?

____________________

If you understood anything I just wrote, I highly recommend the book, "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years."

Hello October

2011-10-02T20:54:00.000-07:00

sipping mint hot chocolate...

I got Jack that mini mug at Goodwill, my Mom and Dad use to have one just like it when I was little.

baking with those you love...

Jack helping me bake "pumpkin" cookies. Sadly half the box was already eaten... we are guilty raw cookie -dough eaters.

the rustle of leaves...

Jack found a leaf yesterday the size of my head, no joke. This kid has an eye for them :)

A small town's homecoming weekend...

Celebrating my 5-year high school reunion w/the bff's. Ps. Thanks again Leslie for the ride home after my one too many. ~~Nobody's perfect~~.)

fall skies...

decorating the house... Jack's Great Grandpa Champ made this little witch :)

wondering how long your wildflowers are going to last...

I remember slaving away with those itty-bitty seeds this Spring. Jack torturing worms the entire time. I'm going to be so sad when they're gone. We picked probably well over 50 this summer for random holidays, loved ones and just because.

pumpkin pies...

bonfires...

apple dumplings...

turning on the furnace for the first time...

pulling out winter coats and putting away the sandals...

October is finally here.

-a list of little things we should appreciate-

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”
-Robert Brault

Jack turns 3

2011-09-19T14:12:00.000-07:00

It was a beautiful Saturday afternoon. Lots of laughs. Lots of smiles. Lots of pizza. Lots of children running wild through my home with enough fake tattoos to last a lifetime.

All photos in this post were taken by The luckiest. Photography

Kids peeling off wet clothes (they bobbed for apples) and kids going for the gold (power-wheels race down our giant hill).

We ended the day with gifts and the perfect "Thomas the Train" cake made by Jack's Grandma Champ (my Mama), which he absolutely loved. Well, really, everyone did because not a single piece was left over.

The day was filled with love, and although some people we really cared about couldn't be there, we know they were there in spirit. Jack knows how much he is loved. He is a very lucky boy. And I'm lucky to have him in my life. God blessed me with such a strong-willed, smart and funny boy. He will fill my years with many more silly, beautiful memories I'm sure.

Tomorrow is Jack's real birthday, the big THREE! Oy vey...

Tomorrow will be filled with love, which equals time in the world of children. And we intend on spending the day playing together, going for a walk, going to a park and maybe visiting a few relatives.

-a list of little things we should appreciate-

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.”

-Robert Brault

Sane is boring.

2011-09-15T12:05:00.000-07:00

So it's been insane lately! In a good way of course. Life has us very busy.

I'm wrapping up some summer weddings, and this Saturday is Jack's 3rd birthday, say whatttt? Yes THIRD! Yikes. I hope I don't have a break down as I make his 3 year video tonight (yes I'm procrastinating, ugh! you should see my list of things to do in the next 48 hours).

So last weekend we painted the living room, kitchen, dining area and guest bath. Pictures to come once my cleaning and final touches of home are done, so more than likely I'll snap some tomorrow. I've never lived in a home where the colors on the walls were by my choice, I feel so much at home... it feels like us. It's nice. I feel like this environment is calming, warm and inviting and also inspiring. I used a lot of chalkboard paint, it's my new love. I feel like it's a great place for Jack's imagination and mind to expand too. I decorated our home with pieces of art from different cultures from around the world. There's no place like home :)

Next week we are tackling our master bedroom and bath and getting a new bed and dresser, pray we have the same patience as these past few weeks!

And one of my dreams has come true. One of my life goals was to see my artwork in a gallery somewhere, but I view this as more... it's in my hometown and the building will be displaying ONLY my work for an entire month. The Depo Coffee House in Urbana chooses an artist monthly to display and I got December, DECEMBER! The month that is INSANE with hot coffee and cocoa drinkers :) I am so thankful and excited. I will be snapping photos of my photos hanging in their awesome building. I'm so stoked. Can't wait to inform some clients they will be life-size hanging in the coffee shop, it's actually the "meeting place" I use to meet new clients, etc. Ps. Leslie if you're reading this (my bff) you will be life-size ;)

What else shall I catch up on?

Oh, yes...

My sister, Lynnette, is talking about opening a second-hand wedding store. How awesome is that? (By the way, if you'd like to sell your wedding dress or donate it, I'm sure she'd be interested.) And of course, displaying my wedding photography there :) My other sis, Jess, just moved closer (yay!) so that means more time together :)

My brother is home, well, not "home" but he's out and he's doing good. I love him and just want the best for him and his family.

Friends have been on the back burner recently and it makes me sad. Forgive me? Our family has really come together these past few months, they have been hard and full of changes and we all needed each other it seems.

Here's to the holidays... how is it September already? I know this month is going to fly by and then before I know it, it will be Christmas!

Trying to remember to be in the moment...

just little things, little reminders to stay positive and find the good in the everyday moments of life :)

small steps towards the person I want to be...

2011-08-28T17:23:00.000-07:00

I want to be healthy, and right now I'm using food as a crutch in stressful situations. I decided that when a small step is missed it can effect my whole day, like not enough sleep. So I've decided to come up with a few small steps to keep me on track.

1.) Go to bed by 10:00pm every night.
That means lights out, with concentrated effort and eyes shut. It sounds very strict to me, considering I stay up sometimes until 2am chatting with Joel and working.

2.) Water at every meal.
No matter what I'm drinking, I need to have a glass of ice water with it. I think I don't drink enough, and this step should be pretty easy considering I only drink milk or water normally.

3.) Exercise 30 minutes daily.
I never keep up with my goals, but I think making it a daily goal will help keep it a habit. I'm not good with the on one day/ off another. I'm going to think about a Y membership as well. I hope to keep it to a morning routine after my good night's rest! Hopefully I can rise before Joel and Jack so it won't effect my schedule or theirs much.

4.) Take 20 minutes each day to think about the health steps I want to take and where I want to be and read up on it.

And that's it for now. I think although small, these steps will make a big impact on my health and help me make more wise decisions daily. And really, I think these are somewhat tough rules to follow, so in the meantime, they will be my major focus.

Here's to a healthier me! Any health tips appreciated :)

twenty-four

2011-08-14T19:57:00.000-07:00

Today is my birthday.

{this, obviously, is not me, I just liked the image from flickr}

And it's been a great birthday, I love my family so much. They are my everything.

I asked Joel for two things this year, a poem... and a song :)

I wanted an original poem written by him, and any song he thought I'd like.

He wrote me this today...

"Oh! Olivia I love you so"

Olivia you are the best

You have a really nice chest

Oh! Olivia I love you so

But I really do hate your toe
(I had a mole removed from my toe and the healing process has been quite gross, lol)

I can't believe you're twenty-four

Hopefully I'll see a hundred more

Thank you for my baby Jack

I would never take anything back

I really do dislike your cat

I want to hit her with a bat

So happy birthday to my wife

I hope you like this and we do not fight

Oh! Olivia I love you so

But I really do hate your toe

And he sang me the song, "If I were a carpenter"

by Johnny Cash & June Carter

I especially loved the parts he sang by June...

he always makes me laugh :)

If I were a carpenter

And you were a lady,

Would you marry me anyway?

Would you have my baby?

If a tinker were my trade

would you still find me,

Carrying the pots I made,

Following behind me.

Save my love through loneliness,

Save my love for sorrow,

I'm given you my onliness,

Come give your tomorrow.

If I worked my hands in wood,

Would you still love me?

Answer me babe, "Yes I would,

I'll put you above me."

If I were a miller

at a mill wheel grinding,

would you miss your color box,

and your soft shoe shining?

If I were a carpenter

and you were a lady,

Would you marry me anyway?

Would you have my baby?

Would you marry anyway?

Would you have my baby?

Joel did not disappoint, I love him so much.

on the eve of my 24th

I'm breaking my promise.

2011-08-03T19:48:00.000-07:00

I promised myself I wouldn't be that person who blogged about my weight anymore. I decided to let go of that struggle.

I didn't want the chronicles of my life to involve this struggle. I don't want people to associate me with a struggle with weight loss.

But it is who I am. It is a struggle I deal with daily. It is a part of me. I feel like it's like an alcoholic blogging and ignoring their biggest struggle in life. It seems wrong. Almost fake.

So this is me saying I have a problem. A problem most Americans do face. I'm slowly killing myself. That is my reality. And if I don't fix this now, I will end up having a heart attack, stroke, diabetes or cancer.

I feel like a horrible example to Jack. I want more for him. I don't want to pass my struggle onto him.

My whole life I have struggled with weight issues. In high school, I lost a huge amount of weight, only to gain it back when I got married.

Since I had Jack my weight has went up and down and it fluctuates not by single digits but by 10lbs or more constantly. It is consuming. It is always in the back of my mind.

I want to win this battle. I want to be the role-model I need to be. I need to hold myself accountable, and I know it's a lifestyle change I have to make. It's going to rock every aspect of our life.

So this is me saying I want better for us.

I don't want to blog about this, it's embarrassing, but I think holding myself accountable like this is a huge step in the right direction.

Change is good.

I'll be blogging occasionally on this subject. Just bare with me...

"It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver."

-Mohandas Gandhi

somedays I feel like this...

2011-07-25T07:27:00.000-07:00

"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin-real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life." -Alfred D’Souza

words, photos and being thankful

2011-07-20T13:36:00.000-07:00

This photo, these words... it feels like it was written just for me, for you... for anyone who reads them. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside :)

And...

I've noticed recently I've forgot about my "thankful three." I promised myself I'd write at the end of each post three things I'm thankful for in an effort to be more positive, but honestly, I thought they were getting a bit stuffy and predictable, kind of like saying the same prayer over and over...

I want to be thankful for more.

I don't want to overlook the simple things in life.

So today, I stumbled upon this --> Blog

A list of all the simple things we should appreciate.

So I decided at the end of each post, I'm going to choose one image from their site instead of racking my brain.

So I genuinely appreciate...

"not me" Monday

2011-07-18T08:51:00.000-07:00

In an effort to show my imperfections. Nobody's perfect. I'd love to hear your "not me" stories too!

No, not me...

I would never let the dishes pile up and then have my two-year-old drink whole milk out of a Las Vegas shot glass for breakfast...

And I would never decide on a whim to try a potty chart to help encourage Jack to go. And I would use star stickers for him to put on the chart, not the green, pre-labeled pricing garage sale stickers to use...

No... I would never do that! I'd be the perfect Mom and go buy some star stickers asap...

righttt...

I choose to be happy.

2011-07-18T00:29:00.000-07:00

I've been a crazy blogger today. This weekend has been filled with raw emotions... forgive me.

After dwelling, I've come to the conclusion... I need to look at this, our baby, in a positive light. I need to think of Jude in Heaven. I need to think of our baby waiting for us. I need to think of Jack having a sibling, just in another world.

I spent a lot of time worrying today. I thought about the likelihood of having another ectopic pregnancy, the percentage the doctor told vs. what I googled. They are vastly different.

Google is the devil. Seriously, don't do it. It's the first time I've googled anything about this whole ectopic pregnancy (my Mom did enough to scare the both of us in the beginning).

(Wow I cannot spell today... apparently I need help from macbook to spell ectopic and vastly, I feel dumb.)

I kept thinking how I didn't want Jack to be an only child, but in reality- he's not. I believe this was a baby.

I looked back at recent posts about being happy and it really is all in the way you view life. There is nothing good about what happened, but I can't change that. I can only view our baby in a positive light now, otherwise I just put myself in a depressing mood.

I'm thinking about getting a piece of jewelry to remember from etsy. I'm not ready yet... but when the time comes when I can bring myself to sit down and think about the due date, I will get this necklace when he/she was due. I know the time will come. It's just too soon right now. I actively try not to think about it, I won't allow myself to do the math.

I'm going to have it engraved with the name Jude.

I don't know how to get over this...

2011-07-17T13:00:00.001-07:00

I feel like the rest of the world has moved on. I feel Joel has moved on. He won't talk about it with me, it's too painful for him. And I feel like my family and everyone else in my life has put this past them, but here I am, still bleeding. Still becoming emotional even when I don't expect it.

And I have yet to even count the months to when our baby would have been born. I don't think I can even bring myself to do that just yet.

I was just on facebook and saw the most beautiful baby girl swaddled in pink. One of my friends just had a baby and posted a new photo of her.

I just can't believe this happened to us. I can't believe this happens to anyone.

Guess I just needed to talk... to write... to let it out...

follow-up post to "true love"

2011-07-17T10:23:00.000-07:00

That whole post just got me thinking...

What can I do to make my own marriage more solid?

I want Joel to feel special. I want him to feel loved and cared for.

So here are my own marriage resolutions:

1.) Joel can't cook. I can. Cook for him whenever possible and try to pack his lunch for him everyday.

2.) He loves when I rub the back of his head and neck while he drives, I should try to do that on every trip where he drives. I know it relaxes him and makes him feel loved. Plus I hate to drive so maybe this will also benefit me. haha, wait that's selfish right?

3.) Leave small, embarrassing notes for him. I once left a note in his lunch, and he's searched before entering work (prison guard) and they found his little love note. The girls "awwwed" him and I know he relished in the attention. I should leave them on the mirrors at home and in his truck. Who doesn't love a good sincere love note?

4.) Touch him more. Joel's love language is touch. He's a total cuddle bear. Me- I'm totally not! Go figure.

He loves hugs, kisses, snuggles, etc. I should really try to be more snuggly. Not to mention one of our "things" is we dance, right there- barefoot in the kitchen, and Joel usually hums. I love it, and I know he does too. Sometimes Jack tries to join us :)

5.) Buy him small gifts. This one is easy, a bottle of Coke would make Joel's day, haha. So when I'm out, I'm going to try to be more mindful in picking up something small for him just to say I was thinking of him. (ps. remember to get dessert when out with the girls to bring home for Joel = Cheesecake Factory!)

6.) Get more sleep. So I'm less grouchy!

7.) Be mindful of myself. I've started the couch to 5k program, and been trying to eat healthy. But I know, I know appearance shouldn't mean anything- but when you feel good about yourself, which doing these things does for me, it helps me to think less about myself and more about those I love.

8.) Date Night. Three words- MAKE IT HAPPEN! At least once a month, it's a total relationship saver. Our good friends Amber and Craig advised us of this after Jack was born, they are very wise! (And happily married in FL. right now. Love you guys!)

9.) Keep the bedroom clean! The love shack should not look like a shack!

10.) Cook him red meat. What can I say? I make a lot of chicken and turkey. Joel is a total guy and craves his red meat, I guess I could do it once a week to make him happy right? This is going to be a total struggle for me I know, haha. I hate red meat! Maybe we'll say every two weeks? That's good still, right?

So there it is, my small resolutions I hope to keep up with to help Joel feel loved. Did I gross everyone out? haha... "ewww mushy love stuff"

What do you do to make your spouse or girl/boyfriend feel loved?

is true love for real?

2011-07-17T09:54:00.000-07:00

   I mean the kind where fireworks are forever? I've watched so many people have their heart broken it makes me wonder, where will I be five years from now? Ten? Twenty? I feel like if it can happen to the people I love the most, it can happen to anyone... including me.

It's strange how the world can change the perception of my own relationship.

   I mean, I love Joel... obviously not the same way when I was fifteen, but I love him. When we were fifteen we thought we'd just die without each other, now it's a mature love. I love the man I dated, the man I married, and the man who I had a child with, and the man he is today. All different people. We all change... it's just a fact of life.

   Mature Love, I think is the kind where you make a choice, it's not always so easy. And I know if anything ever happened to one of us, the other would carry on, it would be difficult, heart-breaking, but we would... number one because we have a child together and we would have to.

   It probably doesn't help I've been reading several books "Something Borrowed" "Something Blue".... they are stories about being in love with the wrong person. They talk about finding"true love."

   What is true love? I don't believe in fireworks forever. I believe in fireworks at first, and then they come and go throughout your relationship and it takes effort and work. Love is not just a feeling but an action, and the more you give, the more you'll get back. Least that's what I think.

   I feel like many relationships in this world are turning into all about taking. Me Me Me... I know I need to give more. I think we all do. I also believe in realistic love- the kind where you take out the trash for your spouse, make dinner, stuff like that. Actions speak louder than words.

My heart is aching for the people I love right now.

   Joel probably wouldn't approve of this post. But I'm not going to post it on my facebook, if you read my blog regularly then you'll find this on your own. This is my place to be me, and this has been on my mind constantly. It's killing me.

   This post makes me feel better, I guess mainly because I've come to the conclusion any relationship can crumble, and it crumbles when you stop trying. When you don't choose love. When you stop giving. When you stop caring. Marriage is work. And I believe you can fall in and out of love several times throughout your marriage. It's just something I believe.

So "true love"... I think is a choice.

I hope I always choose love, and I hope Joel always does too...

Meal Planning

2011-07-13T20:01:00.000-07:00

Here's a list of our homemade meals and homemade snacks this week, because meal planning saves me a ton of money, time, energy and it's way healthier.

I love to cook and try new recipes so there are a ton of new things on the list this week. I'm also going to start trying some homemade smoothies for breakfast, they're suppose to be delicious and super healthy and even have hidden veggies in them (covered up by the taste of fruit).

Here's hoping my pick-eater will like them. And if you're wondering, no it's not Jack, my picky eater is Joel ;)

Meals:

chicken fajitas w/ whole wheat tortillas & homemade guacamole

cucumber cream cheese sammies w/ watermelon

Spinach Lasagna Rolls w/salad

turkey taco lettuce wraps w/homemade salsa & chips

asian glazed drumsticks w/ rice

turkey vegetable soup chili

black bean mango salsa wraps

Snacks:

low-fat chocolate chip zucchini bread

chocolate banana ice cream

grilled pineapple

low fat chewy granola bars with pecans, raisins and chocolate

Smoothies:

Choco-Cherry Bomb!

Strawberry Banana Smoothie

cocoa-nuts smoothie

happiness

2011-07-13T12:01:00.000-07:00

2011-07-12T23:27:00.001-07:00

how to make a lightning bug jar

2011-07-12T20:57:00.000-07:00

Probably the simplest, yet one of the best parts of childhood... catching lightning bugs!

I remember growing up my Dad making us jars or cups with holes so we could keep our bugs and watch them glow at night in our rooms.
So I decided Jack was old enough and made him a lightening bug jar tonight.

So here's what you'll need:
a hammer
a very small nail
a canning jar

What you do:

Take the small nail and hammer and make some small holes in the top lid while it's sealed together with the jar.

Afterwards, take the lid off and hammer the backside to make it flat.

You do that so it's not sharp and won't hurt the bugs or you.

Put the two pieces together, and just pop it back out with your fingers.

Then put the jar back together, and you're finished!

No go catch some lightning bugs!

And instead of waking up to dead bugs,
I'm starting a new tradition that is more fun and no one has to die...
I'm going to sneak into his room later tonight and let them go and tell him in the morning they are magic and they disappeared :)

mom's famous strawberry jam recipe

2011-07-12T20:40:00.000-07:00

Growing up one of the best parts of the summer was the sweet smell of my Mom making strawberry jam.

I loved it, and if we were lucky Mom would give us a warm spoon full to eat.

It's one of those traditions that sticks with you...

My Mom still makes strawberry jam in the summer, but now she makes a special trip to my house and we make it together. She came a few weeks ago and we made a small batch, but it was soon gone so I decided to make another HUGE batch to hopefully last us into the Winter and hopefully next Spring.

So here it is... Mom's easy, and famous strawberry jam!

Makes about 13 cups

You'll need:

-6 pt. strawberries (roughly 8 plastic packages from the store)

-5lb bag of sugar

-4 boxes of Sure Jell

(Sure Jell can be found in the baking section and also in the canning section,

usually in the canning section they sell them grouped together for less)

-Canning Jars with sealing lids

(make sure you buy the kind that have the two piece lids)

1) Put glass jars in dishwasher and put on the steam dry.

2) Place lids and seals in small pot of boiling water.

3) Crush strawberries in baking pan (roughly 10 at a time) with a potato masher and place in large saucepan.

4) Stir crushed strawberries and all four boxes of Sure Jell in saucepan over high heat and bring to full rolling boil stirring constantly.

5) Pour in sugar. Bring mixture back to rolling boil while stirring constantly. Boil exactly 1 minute.

6) Remove from heat and ladle quickly (a funnel works great!) into prepared jars, filling to within 1/8 inch of tops. Wipe jar rims. Cover with two-piece lids. Screw bands tightly and place upside-down on a towel on the counter. *Be sure to remove one jar at a time from dishwasher, and one lid and rim at a time to keep them hot so they will seal. Use a towel and tongs to help handle the hot jars and lids.*

7) Flip jars right side up once finished.

The Large batch I made... mm mmm mmmm

What are your summer traditions in the kitchen?

I'm a sucker for a good quote...

2011-07-12T12:35:00.000-07:00

Jack's 1st Swimming Lessons

2011-07-12T11:52:00.000-07:00

Jack started swimming lessons yesterday.

He's pretty good at it and is a pro at holding his breath underwater,

and kicking while floating on his belly.

He's still not happy about floating on his back, that he saves for bath time in warm water.

My little Nemo :)

(Adorable monster towel compliments of Aunt 'Nette.)

Thomas Edison once said...

2011-07-09T14:01:00.000-07:00

"If we did all the things we are capable of, we would literally astound ourselves."

This quote has struck a chord with me.

I have all these ideas, things I want to do...

I firmly believe we make our own happiness.

I think I really would have liked Thomas Edison.

I read many of his quotes today.

He was my kinda guy.

Photo by George Bentley

maybe this will be healing

2011-07-08T13:59:00.000-07:00

   I wrote this several weeks ago. I wasn't ready to share it then, and told myself I may never share those feelings... but I wrote it for me. And since that day, I've crossed the paths of many women who have lost a child, some early in their pregnancy, some in the same situation as me, and some who were months into their pregnancy and showing. It's like this under ground world that I didn't know existed. People don't really talk about it. And why would they? It's painful. And most people, don't want to know.

   So I re-read my words today, weeks later, and I'm glad I wrote it. It helps me to remember, even if it was painful. It makes it real, and not so easily forgotten. And I have decided to share it. I have nothing to be ashamed of, and my goal is not to have people feel sorry for me. It's to share a story that is usually not told. Maybe someone will find comfort in my words, know that it happens and it's okay to feel unsure of your feelings.

   I'm still struggling internally with some questions, but I do believe it was a child. And one of the names we said we loved if it was a boy, was Jude. I like to believe it was a boy, I just have this feeling. And I even listen to the song "hey Jude" to make me smile sometimes.

   I will always love the name Jude, and every time I hear it I will think of our baby. And who knows, in the future if we have a boy, we may name him Jude.

So here is the journal entry I wrote the day after my hospital visit...

Maybe this will be healing.

   They say if you don’t deal with your feelings at the time of grief that they will keep coming back up to the surface, even years later. I’m pretty good at pushing emotions away, yesterday, is a perfect example of that. Any person who saw me probably thought I was visiting someone else at the hospital, except the band on my arm, which was a dead giveaway.

   I laughed, I joked, I gave my son lots of kisses and I did everything not to think of what that shot was for. Maybe this is how everyone acts at the hospital when it’s something bad…

I tried hard not to think about how I wanted Joel there. I tried not to think about how some radical religious group somewhere thought of this as murder. I tried not to think about the names me and Joel picked out when those two days of hope happened.

I thought for sure I was pregnant, I could feel it, and I was.

It was an ectopic pregnancy.

   I cried at the doctor’s office when he confirmed it. It was so final. I cried slow, controlled tears, with a small apology. Men always look so uncomfortable when a woman cries… my doctor, who looked sad himself, told me it’s okay to be sad. I couldn’t bare to look at Joel. I know he was hurting too, and it would have made my semi-controlled crying spell much more ugly if I looked him in the eye.

   I really had the most mellow, calm, and caring doctor for all of this. Dr. Crouch will always have a special place in my heart. After the tears, I apologized and asked him to say whatever he had just said again, because I was in my own little world. And he gladly repeated himself, with as much patience and care as he did the first time.

   After our second meeting, an internal ultrasound, and three blood tests later, I was injected with a small dose of chemotherapy to kill the fast growing cells in my body.

   I’m so thankful I didn’t have to have surgery (so far so good). It takes several weeks, and several more blood tests to confirm it worked. I just want this to be over.

I’m thankful yesterday is gone and today is here.

I have lots of questions for God, many that even if he answered maybe beyond my understanding.

   Was this a child? Will he/she be there when I’m called home? Will he/she be an infant and I able to raise this child in heaven?

   Joel, normally, the talker of us, doesn’t want to talk about this. I think it’s too hard for him. And me, normally, the “leave me alone, I just need some time”… wants to talk about this.

   Joel got really sick yesterday with a stomach virus, so bad that he ended up at the hospital too (he is much better, I am happy to report). He couldn’t be there with me, so my mother, who was supposed to be our babysitter, ended up taking me, and Jack tagged along.

   Thinking I’d be in and out within an hour, I didn’t have a problem bringing Jack, he could be my distraction. Let’s just say we got there at 12:20 and didn’t leave Dayton until around 5 or 6pm.

It was a very… long… day.

   My mother, however, is always up for talking… so we talked. She told me she didn’t think there were ages in Heaven, and that we didn’t have spouses either. She also said there’s no tears, so do we forget about those who are not there? That was her question. She thinks it was a child, and he/she will be there, waiting for us.

I hope there are ages in Heaven, I hope we’re all the age we want to be, and the age that we want others to be.

I’m not sure what I believe. I just know I’m trying not to imagine a child. It’s easier this way.

Desiderata

2011-06-09T08:09:00.000-07:00

I first saw this poem hanging on my graphic arts teacher's wall when I was going through one of the hardest times in my life. High school wasn't easy for me, my family was going through a lot of rough stuff, and one day... I remember holding back the tears, sitting at a computer desk facing the wall, pretending to be working and looking up and seeing this. Like it was placed right there for me to read. It gave me a lot of wisdom and hope, and I felt at peace for once. I felt like it said everything I needed to hear at the time.

I'm actually refinishing my work desk and on the top, I've decided to paint this poem so it's always there for me to read. I've underlined the parts that spoke to me that day so long ago, now the whole poem speaks to me. It is full of wisdom. I'll post photos of my desk when finished.

So here it is, Desiderata...

(Written by Max Ehrmann in the 1920s)

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,

and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,

be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly;

and listen to others,

even to the dull and the ignorant;

they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons;

they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,

you may become vain or bitter,

for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;

it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,

for the world is full of trickery.

But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;

many persons strive for high ideals,

and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.

Neither be cynical about love,

for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,

it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,

gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.

But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe

no less than the trees and the stars;

you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you,

no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,

whatever you conceive Him to be.

And whatever your labors and aspirations,

in the noisy confusion of life,

keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,

it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

How to's...

2011-06-05T05:00:00.000-07:00

How to get a toddler inside the house while it's starting to sprinkle and thunder?

Wave his favorite toy in the air and say, "mine" with a smile...

hahaha

summer bucket list

2011-06-03T05:00:00.000-07:00

Our Summer Bucket List
Why a summer bucket list?

Why not?

~~play in sprinkler~~
~~go swimming~~
~~draw with sidewalk chalk~~

~~blow enormous bubbles~~

make home-made ice cream

~~go for a walk~~

go for a bike ride

visit Yellow Springs (a unique and fun town)

~~watch clouds~~

go camping

~~swimming lessons for Jack~~

have a picnic

~~eat watermelon~~

~~have a cookout~~

go to Young’s Jersey Dairy (it’s a place where kids can pet farm animals, play on tractors, get ice cream, etc.)

~~pick strawberries (made jam instead)~~

~~watch fireworks~~

go to a drive-in movie

go to Marmon Valley Farms (you ride horses there)

~~grow a garden~~

everyone has a story

2011-06-01T09:06:00.000-07:00

Everyone has a story

Saturday I took the scenic route home from a photo session. I took the back, country roads that led me by several farms.

Every time I take that route the voice in my head says, “I wish I had my camera, these animals are beautiful”… and today I did.

I stopped by a farm where I saw a man out front. I asked him if he minded if I snapped a few photos of his cows, and that I was a photographer. He told me to go ahead, said he had some goats too if I wanted shots of them. I told him I might take him up on that offer.

So I crossed the one lane, gravel road to the cows in the pasture. They seemed just as interested in me as I was in them. They all swarmed to the metal, rusty fence. I talked to the cows… “well hello there… “ and snapped some photos here and there. Got some great shots. Thought to myself how I wanted to frame one for my Grandma (she loves cows).

I walked back up the lane to the farmer and was greeted by his dog. She looked like a polar bear. He told me she was harmless and she sniffed me and licked my hand.

He pointed to the left to another pasture where his goats were. He started to laugh and told me, “People think goats eat everything… but they don’t! Look at all that grass in there!” Then he said, mine are real funny too… see that tire swing? I catch them swinging on it every now and then.”

A goat swinging on a tire swing? I had to see this.

He told me he’s always trying to get a photo of it, but hasn’t had much luck. Then he decided he was going to try to get his goats to play on the tire swing for me.

I was about to tell him don’t worry about it, but he was determined. I think so I would believe him. I watched him carry a baby goat to the tire swing while the rest followed.

And wouldn’t you know it… I saw a goat jump onto a tire swing, and swing back and forth before jumping off.

Of course I didn’t have my camera up to my face because I was too stunned by what I just saw with my own two eyes without looking through a lens.

I laughed so hard, and he laughed too. I shook his hand and told him my name and he told me his. I thanked him for letting me shoot his cows and showing me his goats. We exchanged a few words about living in the country, raising animals and soon I was on my way home.

Now every time I drive by that farm I will have a story to tell. A unique story about the goats that live there and how I saw it with my own two eyes. How I met the farmer. A piece of his story is now mine.

I’m so glad I stopped today, that I took a chance with a stranger and I’m so glad he decided to share with me. That he actually took time out of his day to show a complete stranger a piece of his story, a story that I can carry with me.

revamping my business

2011-05-20T06:00:00.000-07:00

“To thine own self be true.” - Shakespeare

I feel like I’ve been building my brand by looking at what works for others instead of looking within. I feel like I've just recently started to be true to myself. So I decided to write out what I look for and want in a business.

earth friendly
earth tones
bright colors that catch your eye
simple, less is more
positive art
inspiring quotes
personalization
building friendships
smells and sounds that are relaxing
nature inspired
vintage
businesses that give back
involved in the community
love to see customer reviews on the website
show prices upfront on site without having to contact the business
businesses that are available by phone, and do return calls
smart marketing

These are the things that are going to help steer me in my business decisions as I start the business make-over. I hope to have all changes in full swing within the next month.

Thankful Three: [in an effort to be more positive]
I’m thankful for my Dad’s legacy in entrepreneurship and his wisdom while building Olivia Beth Photography.
I’m thankful for the ability to fulfill my dream.
I’m thankful that I have a supportive husband in all my projects and new ideas.

a late mother’s day post

2011-05-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

I hope you enjoyed your Mother’s Day. If you’re a mother I hope your heart felt warm and loved by those around you.

Jack painted me a picture frame and it says “I (heart) mom” on it. It’s perfect J

I decided to use this special occasion to share an old private journal entry I wrote about my son Jack. It’s a window into my mommy world. Enjoy!

April 3, 2011
10: 14pm
In bed

I know one day my heart will ache for these moments. Right now I’m trying to cherish every morning snuggle on the couch and in the kitchen with my Jack. I breathe him in and kiss his forehead and hold him tight as he grips his bear and blankey… one of the best parts of the day.

Thankful Three [in an effort to be more positive]
I’m thankful for being Jack’s mama.
I’m thankful I still have my mother in my life. I love her so much.
I’m thankful for flowers. They’ve never made me feel so much at home. Country life is beautiful and magical.

public blogging vs. private journaling

2011-05-15T08:56:00.000-07:00

I’ve neglected my blog long enough. I’ve decided to try to write regularly. I want to do this for me.

To be honest, I want to be a writer.

Maybe I’ll write a kid’s book, or one that combines my two favorite things, quotes and photos. I have an idea that makes me excited every single time I think about it.

Someday…

Right now I’m focusing on my photography business, but I hope one day I can check it off my life’s list of things to do before I’m gone.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about why I neglect this blog, and the biggest reason is because I’m old-fashioned. I normally use the pen and paper method. I have a beautiful journal that I write in regularly. Well, it’s actually a sketchbook for artists, but it was so beautiful, blank and had the quote “Choose your own Adventure” on the cover that it drew me in. It also didn’t hurt that my old journal I purchased in 2006 was almost full. It’s easy for me to write in my private journal, unlike here.

I tried to write a blog post a few nights ago at a public coffee shop. I told myself I’d take my private journal along, and post an old journal entry. I thought it would be easy, but when I opened my journal, I felt like my soul was pouring out and anyone could lean over and see my inner most thoughts. I quickly shut my journal and told myself I’d never do that again! I felt like I flashed the room by opening my journal.

My private journal is my safe place. The place where there’s no judgement and no way to be misunderstood. My inner most thoughts and secrets are well kept. And there’s no editing! I just pour it out… no brainstorming. Noone there to ask questions.

It’s nice. I highly recommend getting a private journal if you don’t have one.

The cool thing about blogging is I get to say what I want to the world, even if the world doesn’t like it or agree. It’s a window into my heart. It’s a way to share another piece of me with my family, friends and strangers. It’s a way to meet some awesome new people, like Jennie who I met when we were both 16 on opendiary. She’s still an awesome friend of mine, and now we share a passion of photography. And in the blogging world, sometimes you get support from a kind stranger, which can come as an unexpected surprise and makes you remember the world is a good place, filled with kind-hearted people.

So come back and check out my blog, I plan on making it more active. And who knows, maybe I’ll share some entries from my private world. Maybe ;)

Don't worry about the future

2011-05-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

We worry about what a child will become tomorrow, yet we forget that he is someone today. ~Stacia Tauscher

Mother's Day

2011-04-27T07:56:00.000-07:00

We're getting ready for Mother's Day with shutterfly. It's not the printing company I use for business, but it's great for personal use, they make holidays so much easier! Not to mention all the great coupons you get. I just placed a $50 order and only paid $8. I also have a coupon from pampers for a free photobook at shutterfly to use still and by posting this on my blog, I got another $10 for my next purchase!

Check it out!

5x7 Folded Card

View the entire collection of cards.

Cup of Jo (get it mel?)

2011-03-29T06:12:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting at Tim Horton's doing my thing... by "thing" I mean "work" this is where I escape in the morning to get my stuff done. I'm sipping on a cup of coffee that is now luke warm... since I've been here so long. If I don't leave the house Jack will find me in the guest bedroom and beg and bang on the door until I come out. It's frustrating for me and for Joel. So this is the new solution.

Today's assignment! Design a blog for my photography :) It's going to be a break off from my original site www.OliviaBeth.com to show clients what's going on in my neck of the woods and recent projects/modeling opportunities, specials, sneak peeks, etc.

I should be working. hmm.. well it's only 9am, and blogger sure does make a blog design super easy these days. I guess I can take a few to share. I haven't updated this blog in almost a year! I've been blogging, or "journaling" the old fashioned way. It's really good for me. But I recently found out my grandma, cousin, and two aunts have a blog. My GRANDMA has a blog! She is so cool :)

Anyways, I guess I want to share my blog again and read theirs and get to know them a little better from the inside. I love to write, and I love to read. I'm one of those people if I found a journal that belonged to a family member I would be more than excited! I love to get into people's heads, to understand them better... and for them to understand me too. Sometimes I wonder if the journals I fill at home with paper and pen will be held by Jack one day... if he'll look over what I wrote and feel a sense of love. Feel a sense of who I was when I was younger, and understand why I took our family down the paths we did.

Oh the joys of blogging! I'm BACKKKKK! :)

*I'm going to continue my thankful 3 too. It's at the end of each post I name 3 things I'm thankful for, in an effort to be more positive.

Thankful Three:

1) I'm thankful blogger made designing a blog sooooo much easier! It was a PITA in the past, lol. Which has allowed me to share all this today while still being productive.

2) I'm thankful for such a hard working husband. His job as been more than stressful lately and I'm just thankful he has the work ethic and determination to get through these rough patches. He's a good man. ps. He even did the dishes and cleaned a lot this past week, what what??? :)

3) I'm thankful my older sister moved back to Ohio. I love her so much, we had a rough summer (we faught about spanking, we are such drama queens! lol) but things are back to normal. And I'm thankful for Jessica, because she's an awesome sister and she's inspired me so much when it comes to photography, she's only said it a few times but it was words of encouragement and telling me I CAN do this and I should. That this is a gift God has given me.

In conclusion, I'm really happy right now. I'm not sure why, I think it's because I'm starting to realize life is about choices, and I choose to be happy.

And I leave you with a quote...

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes.”

-Charles R. Swindoll

March of Dimes

2010-05-05T10:33:00.000-07:00

We walked for March of Dimes at the end of April, my parents joined us too. It was a fun day and the rain held off. We raised a great amount of money, thank you to all our sponsors!

Left a piece of my heart in NC

2010-05-05T10:17:00.001-07:00

And about 12 inches of hair! :)

I caught a flight and visited my sister this past weekend. It was a much needed break! Had a Mani/Pedi, good food, saw Taylor Swift in concert and made some awesome memories! I'm so thankful for sisters (and beautiful, silly nieces).

And what else are big sisters for? Talking you into chopping your hair off. So I did it, I cut my hair... Joel was a little less than thrilled. I like it though and very easy to do! It was a much needed change :)

What would I do without my big sis?

Couch to 5k

2010-05-05T10:12:00.001-07:00

I've started the "couch to 5k" program and it seems really too good to be true!

It doesn't feel difficult, I think I can really do this. And although it feels easy, after every session I'm drenched in sweat. It's an every other day program, but I've been doing the sessions daily because I haven't been sore and I want exercise to be an everyday thing for me. I want it to be a habit.

I can feel a difference and I'm only on day four. I feel less tense, and I've been sleeping better.

Right around the end of the program... I'll be in a race in honor of Cheryl, that's my sister's mother in law, she had a transplant a few years back and it took successfully. We're racing in her honor, and also for the donor, who is a relative of hers. My brother in law is challenging me to run the 5k :) I told him I'd have to think about it.

Has anyone done the couch to 5k program? What did you think of it?

she got it from her mama

2010-05-05T09:56:00.000-07:00

and her dad & her grandpa apparently.

My high blood pressure!

Looks like all the tests came back normal. Which is a relief! I'll be on medication until I can hopefully control this with changing my diet and losing some weight.

Good News

2010-04-19T09:59:00.001-07:00

My body is responding to the meds for high blood pressure, which is great because what they're testing me for, renal artery stenosis, does not usually respond to medication. Still have the MRA this Friday though, so I'll know more next week.

I haven't been journaling much here because I've been doing a lot of the old fashioned journaling with paper and pen :) Sometimes, I feel like I censor myself here and I don't like it. In my old fashioned journal I can say whatever I feel at the time without judgement. It's nice. I keep it next to my bed. I journal when I'm happy, when I'm sad... when I find a quote I love, and when I need to vent. You know, whenever...

Joel says he doesn't read it, lol, but I always tell him I wouldn't mind if he did. Sometimes, I'll read him an old entry from when I was pregnant, or back when we were in high school and we were dating... (we're high school sweethearts, started dating when I was 15) and we laugh. It's funny reading my thoughts from back then.

But I don't like reading the entries when I was going through PPD... I look back and I just want to reach out and touch that person I use to be, and tell her things will go back to normal someday soon. They're really sad... I'm thankful I have them though, the entries, because it's easy to forget all that I went through. Depression is something I firmly believe you won't fully understand in less you've been through it. It's like a fog, and all you want is to be the old you. And I think it's something easy to forget like the pains of childbirth. You know it was horrible, but looking back it doesn't look so bad... but it was, your memory is just being kind.

I want to try to write more here again, it's nice having people comment and express their opinions too... and it's nice having the offline journal too, where it's just me and no comments :)

Results & more waiting...

2010-04-14T06:01:00.001-07:00

Test results came back and it was negative. I was having abnormal bleeding... they were worried I was having a miscarriage, or that I was currently pregnant. Turns out it was neither. Which is a relief. My blood pressure was caught by my midwife during my appointment to check out what was going on with me.

Yesterday I had a doctors appointment about the high blood pressure, I was put on BP medication and also since I'm so young, they did an EKG, ordered a few more blood tests, a urine test to check for protein and I'm also going in for an MRI next Friday. He seems to think this high BP is just a symptom of something else...

So more waiting and more results.

I haven't weighted myself in awhile so I did this morning, I'm down 7lbs! Which is great :) Who knows, maybe I just have crappy genes (my mother, father & older brother have high blood pressure) and this high blood pressure just needs to go down the natural way, by eating right, watching my sodium intake and losing some weight! I also just learned yesterday an old high school friend has high blood pressure like me and she's in the navy! So maybe it's not that uncommon for someone my age.

Thanks for the well wishes and thoughts! It really means a lot to me.

Waiting for the results...

2010-04-12T09:56:00.001-07:00

Somethings are going on with my health right now. My blood pressure is through the roof and a few others things are being questioned. I've been put on a really strict diet, low sodium and basically an insulin resistance diet as well. Since I've found out, I've been sticking to it... I'm scared.

I'm suppose to have the results to a few tests in a couple hours, I'm nervous. It could be good news, bad news or nothing at all.

Down 5lbs!

2010-03-24T07:47:00.000-07:00

Slowly, but surely I'm losing the weight. I'm officially down 5lbs total. I'm so excited!

And for those who think 5lbs isn't much... this is what 5lbs of human fat looks like. No joke.

And I've even indulged a little here and there, but by limiting my portions. I'm not depriving myself of the things I've always loved, but they're reserved for special occasions. And I try to stay away from artificial sweeteners, because drinking diet pop, eating those 100 calorie packs, is going to make me still crave those things. I'm honestly getting over those cravings, and I'm cravings healthy things like dried fruit, and carrots & dips, etc.

Here's to a great start! I'm halfway to my first goal!

Forgiveness

2010-03-19T10:30:00.001-07:00

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong."

-Gandhi

My mother asked me to read "Redeeming Love", and lent me her book. It's a novel and with a religious message about forgiveness. And for the record, I believe in all paths to God and did enjoy this book. I'm not finished with it yet, but I feel like I already know the story. It's the story of our life. Not literally, but the forgiveness factor... to have the life we all do now, required lots of courage and strength and lots and lots of forgiveness. (BTW, did you know in the bibles it says to forgive someone 7x77 times? Yeah my mouth dropped too when I read it.) It's a story of forgiveness we should all strive for.

One of the greatest gifts my mother gave me and my siblings was the ability to forgive. She drilled the values of forgiveness into our brains! I think that's the reason I am so close with my siblings. I am the youngest of four. And we all get along. And by get along, I mean we always forgive each other for the stupid things we say and do no matter what. And if by some chance one of us happened to even try to hold a grudge, my mother would be there, telling us life is too short to waste it on anger.

It's sad to see so many people in life holding onto a grudge, to see the petty things they justify in their minds as unforgivable. Forgiving doesn't mean you continue to let someone toxic hurt you over and over, it just means you've let go of the anger and released yourself. And for those who have been viciously and purposely hurt by someone, it's true- forgiveness is only for the strong. This is where the quote holds true.

“Forgiveness is the economy of the heart... forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits.”

- Hanna Moore

I can think of a few people who have recently hurt me that I have yet to forgive, who I thought didn't matter much to me, but I am still angry at the way they treated me. I will never understand why, but I know that I need to forgive them, to release me from this petty anger and time wasted thinking why?

Take a look at your life. Is there someone you need to forgive? Do you need to forgive yourself? Don't waste another second on anger...

Photo by dana_nana

weight loss hypnotherapy session #3

2010-03-15T20:32:00.000-07:00

I saw my counselor, Roy tonight. And I told him everything that's changed in the last week. I HAVE lost 2 1/2 pounds in one week. I weighted myself again today, and ta-da I was back down :)

I also gave in and told him about this blog. I feel like this blog has been a major outlet and also allowed me to gain support from others going through the same thing, and also seeing their story and their struggles.

He said it was awesome that I'm doing this! (By the way, I underestimated Roy, he knew what a blog was without any explanation. lol ) He said support from others who are going through the same thing is VERY important. He was really proud of me. He also encouraged me to find people in my life who have went through the same thing that I can lean on. I have a close cousin who has lost a lot of weight and I know she's very sensitive and knows the struggles and hardships that come with weight loss. I think I might give her a call. I've been meaning to hang out with her anyways, she's like another sister and I really miss her.

We later talked a little about eating slower so my mind & stomach match when I'm full, and drinking water before meals to fill me up. All things I know, and try to do, but I'm not very successful at. He also talked about portion control and trying to eat half of what I normally eat, which I've already started doing this past week.

These are all the things he focused on when we did the hypnotherapy session. He also repeated what he said last week about seeing that image of me happy at 140lbs, my healthy weight and also told me think of other times in my life that I was happy and healthy. I thought of myself when I was around 16 and wearing a 2-piece. That was the last bikini I ever wore. Red and black striped and it was adorable. I wish I had a photo! He also told me to picture myself in a week, in a month, in six months and in a year. He said these images should come to mind when I feel the urge to binge. And then he counted back from 5 to 1 and I woke up. I felt so exhausted when I woke up, I think this time change is kicking my butt. I kept rubbing my eyes like I just woke up from a long nap.

After the session, I told him I've been having dreams that I'm skinny and lost a lot of weight. (I forgot until he mentioned to picture myself at my best.) I look down I feel great about myself and I feel comfortable and I'm healthy! He said that's good, because it's my subconscious doing it's job :)

I know I shouldn't get discouraged.

2010-03-14T11:00:00.000-07:00

But the scale does make me a little frustrated.

I've been eating healthy all week, since I last saw Roy... and I lost 2.6 lbs, but for the last two days the scale is saying otherwise (only 1lb). I know I could possibly be gaining muscle since I just started working out... but in the back of my mind I thought the pounds would just melt off.

I'm not on a "diet" though, I'm eating how I want to eat for the rest of my life. I'm making healthy choices and limiting my portions.

I saw on Celebrity Fit Club a few of them have the same problem, and one of the counselors on the show said when you do it the right way (making it a lifestyle change) it will be much slower. I hope what she said is true. I really want this.

I do feel more confident. I feel like I CAN do this, and I am the one in control now. I'm really proud of myself for taking this step for me and for my family.

And speaking of family, since I have started cooking healthy (whole grains, more fruits & veggies & basically only cooking chicken or turkey) Joel has lost A LOT of weight without even trying, around 30lbs. I guess you could say I'm a little jealous, haha.

Tomorrow is my second hypnotherapy session with Roy. Can't wait to tell him the progress I've made :)

I freaked out this morning

2010-03-12T11:17:00.000-08:00

I totally freaked out this morning. I took Jack for a walk and then put the stroller back in the garage, after I closed it and turned around, Jack was gone! I ran around the building screaming his name, about to call 911... when I heard a small whimper from the garage, he must have ran in as I was closing it! I never want to feel that way again. I gave him the typical, "Don't you ever do that to mommy again!" speech. It was really scary.

And yesterday, my little man was sick. He was extra grumpy in the morning and so I put him down really early for his morning nap. When he woke up he just wanted to snuggle. I rocked for him for about 10 minutes before deciding to take him into our room to our big bed. We laid down to snuggle, when Jack sat straight up and got sick all over the bed. After I gave him a quick bath, and cleaned the sheets, we spent a lot of time cuddling, forehead kissing, and hair stroking. My poor little boogie. A few hours later he was running wild again though and he didn't get sick the rest of the day. I was thankful.

And this morning... before the freak out, I saw I lost another 1.6lbs! That's 2.6 in four days :D woo woo!

1lb down

2010-03-11T07:51:00.000-08:00

That's right, I lost 1lb. Not a lot, but it's something. I decided to start rewarding myself when I reach certain weight loss goals. So here's my list I came up with.

-10lbs new fun plates & bowls

-20lbs pedicure & mani

-30lbs New clothes & pack up what's too big

-40lbs new bathing suit that I feel great in!

-50lbs family photoshoot

-60lbs new tattoo

I can smell Spring...

2010-03-10T17:17:00.000-08:00

the dew on the grass, the gentle breeze, the melting snow and the singing birds... it's almost here.

I've taken a walk with Jack everyday since it's been nice. It's been four days in a row now, and it's becoming part of our morning routine. It's about 1 1/2 mile walk too, so it's good exercise. I have him walk as far as he can holding my hand and then I put him in the stroller. Sometimes I let him wonder by himself and he just looks and pokes and explores. He really enjoys our little walks. Yesterday he found pinecones, today he noticed rocks, and he's absolutely fascinated by the gutters, haha. I have a feeling Spring and summer will be a big motivation when it comes to losing weight and getting healthy. And soon our pool will be open! I love to swim.

So, since my first, real hypnotherapy session, which was very small probably lasting just 5 minutes, I can tell a difference. That first night, I had the urge to binge... but that image he told me to think of, came to mind. I thought of what he told me too about motivation, that without motivation I would still binge. I have motivation, just I feel out of control... and that night, I felt in control, enough to let my motivation take over and I ate some carrots w/lowfat veggie dip & roasted almonds. The next day, I ate well again... and late that night I had the urge to over eat, but I wasn't out of control like in the past, I could have said no, but I didn't have the motivation... I wanted to. Not the greatest feeling, but I knew in my mind I could have stopped myself, and that's where I know there is a change. I hope this continues to work for me, it almost seems too good to be true.

Weight Loss Hypnotherapy session #2

2010-03-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

I saw Roy again last night.

He started off the session with a few questions. He asked if anything monumental had happened in the last week. I said no, not really... but that I did share my struggle with weight loss with a close friend. I didn't mention my blog because I wasn't sure if he knew what a blog was, haha. Roy's a bit older if you know what I mean.

He said opening up about it and talking is good.

I knew this from my old sessions with Dan.

He then asked how the person I shared with responded, and continued to tell me sometimes people don't understand you just need to talk and you're not asking them to fix you. He said sometimes it can be more harmful to you if they don't respond correctly.

I laughed a little, I knew this all too well.

I told him the person I shared with, who is a good friend of mine- she took it okay. She did laugh a little when I mentioned hypnotherapy, and then said, "You just need to stop eating." My face must have said it all because she quickly apologized and said she didn't mean it like that. I didn't take it to heart.

(I wish it was that simple.)

Roy laughed, and asked if I've ever heard the doctor & arm joke. I told him no, and he told me about a man who went to the doctor raised his arm and said, "It hurts when I do this." The doctor's response was, "Well just stop doing that." Roy said, It's never that simple.

He went on talking about the hypnotherapy. He asked if I had ever been hypnotized before. I told him I have, it was a long time ago though. It was at the Ohio State Fair during my FFA years in school. I was probably 15 or 16 at the time. I told him I remember thinking the whole time, am I really hypnotized? I also remember trying to stand up but it felt like a giant weight was on my back.

He said this is good, because then I know it's nothing scary and you're not completely asleep or vulnerable like some people think. You're awake the whole time, what you do is listen to the person talking, focus as best as you can, relax as best you can. He also said I can "wake" myself up if I'm feeling uncomfortable anytime by counting backwards from five to one. He went on to speak about how relaxed I would feel, he said for some people... it's the most relaxed they've ever been in their life.

I then asked him about progressive relaxation and if it was similar. I said I use to do this last year when I saw my old counselor Dan. He suggested it when I was having trouble sleeping. And it worked, it was difficult at first (focusing), but it worked for me.

Roy, seemed a little excited I had done that and said, "Yes, Just like that!"

(If you're curious, progressive relaxation is basically when you listen to someone speaking saying, "relax your toes, relax your feet, relax your ankle... etc." and you try as best you can to focus, breath & do this. Usually when I got to my chest/neck I would start to dose off. This is what I listened to last year: Harriet Brekalo, The Art of Self Healing. You can download it from itunes. I also recommend a pair of headphones, it will help you focus better. I remember getting upset when I couldn't find my headphones last year, it made that much of a difference.)

Roy said that since I have been hypnotized before, and that I use to do progressive relaxation, which is similar to hypnotherapy, that this will probably work well for me.

Some people are more able to be hypnotized than others, for some people... they can't focus, or they laugh and break their focus or don't really believe in the process. If you're that type of person, it probably wouldn't do you a bit of good.

After we talked a little, Roy said we could do a small hypnotherapy session that day if I'd like. I asked him, how it works exactly, I was just curious how this all soaks into your mind. He told me that you put your part of the brain that reasons to sleep, and open up your subconscious. He said there will be a small window and you're more open to suggestions.

hmm... Interesting.

Roy then turned all the lights off except for one. It was still bright though, considering it was 5pm and daylight. I felt comfortable. Then he asked me to close my eyes (while I sat in the same chair I was in while we talked, you don't lay down like some people think) and we started.

I don't want to go into detail about what he said, because I've done a little research on hypnotherapy and it can be dangerous if not done correctly, so I've chosen to keep those details out of my blog and only share the general idea of the hypnotherapy sessions.

Basically, he told me when I feel the urge to binge to think of myself when I was happy, at 140lbs. To think of a photo of myself where I felt great, I thought of this photo... back at 4-H camp many years ago! haha That's me in the middle. (Please ignore the scary, plaid pants. lol)

He said to think of this photo when I get the urge, and instead to eat fresh vegetables or fruit, something healthy.

He also said that next time at our hypnotherapy session, that I will be open to the process and will able to return to this state of relaxation easily. He then counted back from 5 to 1 and I slowly "woke up."

peeling off the layers

2010-03-08T10:36:00.001-08:00

I've started seeing a counselor again, not for PPD or past trauma, but for weight loss. I thought maybe he could help me figure out why eating healthy is such a struggle for me right now. I can eat healthy all day, within the 1200 calorie range and then right before bed I blow it. It's like I can't control myself and the whole day is wasted. I feel like an addict. I feel weak. I feel like I'm going to be over weight forever.

I'm scared I'm going to wake up one day and I'll be 300lbs. If this cycle doesn't stop then that's exactly what's going to happen. I was 140lbs in high school. This was my healthy weight. I had a lot of muscle and was working out two hours everyday after school. I maintained this weight until I quit soccer. I gained 30lbs, then lost 30lbs. I kept the weight off for two years until I got married, then four months later I was pregnant and the rest is history.

I started seeing my counselor last Monday. He's someone new. My old counselor, Dan, who I saw last year for PPD does not handle eating disorders, and my insurance recommended this new counselor. I hate going to someone new. I trusted Dan, he knew my life story, haha... and it's a long one at that.

At my first session, Roy (my new counselor, that's his name) asked why I was there and I explained my situation. He then he asked if I had ever been through anything traumatic in my life. I laughed. He didn't. I tried to fill him in the best I could. I was surprised how calm and open I was this time around. I feel truly at peace with everything. We both agreed this wasn't anything we needed to probably speak about anymore, that I am okay with it now, it's been dealt with and I can put it to rest. It was a relief.

He said my treatment can go one of two ways- 1) he'll set me up with a meal plan. Which I then explained, a meal plan is not what I need, control is. I know what to eat, when to eat and how much to eat. I probably know better than most people what is in something when it comes to calories & nutrition.

He then said, or hypnotherapy... that he actually hypnotizes patients to gain control when it comes to weight loss and even smoking. I was surprised he mentioned this, I didn't see it on his list of things he specializes in. I was excited! I said I would be open to anything really. We agreed to start there. He said it takes a few weeks before the first session of hypnotherapy, that first we'll discuss how I'm feeling before I binge, what my triggers are... etc.

I hope this works, I don't expect it to be magic... but I'm hoping it will help me gain control a little more. To be able to deal with my emotions before I eat them.

I hate talking about this whole topic. I really hate opening up about it. I'm more upset about this than anything in my past, I guess because I did this to myself. I hurt myself. I have no one to blame but me. And it's dumb really. I told my counselor if I was skinny like I use to be that I feel like my life would be perfect. It sounded so dumb when it came out of my mouth.

I think this is where my face turned red.

Roy then took the attention off me and told me how he use to work at the prison across from Joel as a counselor with the inmates, and it made me feel better.

I said, "So you've heard it all?"

He smiled and said, "They're all innocent."

We both laughed, and I knew the last thing I had to worry about was him judging me.

living

2010-03-03T12:42:00.000-08:00

So much has happened in the past week. Joel started his new sergeant position Monday at the prison and we're on a new, normal schedule for once working 8-4 and weekends & holidays off. Not to mention the $2 pay raise. I hope it's permanent. The warden told him he's the first person to ever get sergeant who didn't have over 10 years + at the prison, Joel only has three... and to consider this a huge accomplishment even if it isn't permanent.

And in my neck of the woods- I'm starting a new business! The works are slow but it should be open by summer (I hope)... I'm trying to keep it on the hush until it's finalized and ready to go, but I'm really REALLY excited about it. The hard part is finding the time to work, it's hard when I'm mom 24/7 and Joel's job sometimes requires over time. Once it is up and running, it will be so much easier to maintain. I'm really excited about this!

And I just booked my tickets to NC for the end of April. I'm going to visit my big sister and her family. I'm really excited, it's just going to be just me though. Joel is staying behind with Jack. It will be my FIRST night away from Jack. Kind of strange to think he's 18 months and I've never spent a night away, and it's not that I don't want to, I guess the opportunity just never came about. We're hoping this fall we can get away on our anniversary and maybe Jack can stay with family.

AND! St. Patty's Day is coming up soon. We have a tradition of watching the Columbus Irish parade and eating green eggs and pancakes. Maybe I can talk my sis, Jess into coming along and bringing baby Brayden.

Seems like time is moving so much faster this year...

22 things I've learned in 22 years.

2010-02-22T21:20:00.000-08:00

1.) No matter how much you care for someone, you can't make them care for you.

2.) Laughter is the best medicine.

3.) Be in the moment.

4.) Being a mother is the hardest job in the world, so be kind to your mother. Although it wasn't the best to you, it may have been her best.

5.) Being able to admit your mistakes shows real strength and character.

6.) Talking, writing... it really does give you clarity.

7.) Never put work before your family. If you do, it's something you'll always regret.

8.) Don't judge. You won't really understand this until you've judged someone and then found yourself in their shoes. It will be a really monumental moment in your life.

9.) Sometimes you have to chose to be happy.

10.) A dog really is a man's best friend.

11.) Never discuss sex, religion or politics at the dinner table... or facebook :)

12.) I believe in all paths to God.

13.) Besides education and global communication, television and the internet are pretty worthless to society.

14.) You will not understand your parents' love until you, yourself have a child.

15.) Just when you think you have the world figured out, something will happen and you will realize you still have a LOT to learn. I'm pretty sure this will be a life long thing.

16.) Sometimes taking a moment to reflect instead of react will save you a lot of trouble.

17.) The world doesn't stop to grieve with you, but hopefully a few close people in your life will.

18.) Strive to know more about the world and the people in it.

19.) Never trust someone selling something door to door.

20.) If it sounds too good to be true, you're probably right.

21.) If you're looking for a job and it costs money to start- you're getting screwed.

22.) Live like your days are numbered. Because they are.

meet my nephew, Brayden Kyle

2010-02-22T06:00:00.000-08:00

My beautiful sister... as a first time mother. I know she'll one day she'll cherish these photos, and I was really honored to capture these first moments as a family.

the walmart greeter

2010-02-21T17:38:00.000-08:00

There's a man who greets me at my local walmart almost every time I go. When I see it's him... I automatically smile because I know he's going to make my day. He's so friendly, always smiles and gives my baby Jack a yellow happy face sticker (even if he is too young and tries to eat it, ha!) He asks me how my day is going, usually gets a cart out for me and helps me put my cart cover on (because I'm sure it always looks like I'm struggling)... really just the nicest guy.

He's this way to everyone, every. single. person who enters and leaves. And it doesn't matter what day it is, he's still so positive and upbeat... and it got me thinking- I really envy him. For his attitude. I know nothing about him, about his life, his struggles... nothing- but I can tell you he knows attitude is everything. I feel like he knows something I don't- something about life that I have yet to figure out.

Now you can say the greeter is suppose to be this way, but this guy looks genuinely happy and goes out of his way... there's a difference in the normal greeter, I promise.

It just had me thinking... I honestly want to be more like the walmart greeter, I want to be able to control my attitude like he does, because for me it can be a major struggle.

-Charles R. Swindoll

Thankful Three:

Joel was off work today! I'm sick so this was a big blessing.

I had fun with Jack coloring today, he's getting pretty good... even if he does bite a chunk out of the crayon every once in awhile.

I'm thankful for the basics, our health, a warm home, and food in our bellies!

looking back.

2010-02-21T17:14:00.000-08:00

Saturday, February 16, 2008 5:43am

This is all so new to me...

When I took that test I was in shock, litterly every emotion you could possibly imagine came over me. I have never FELT so much as one time. It was an incredable feeling knowing what was inside me- what WE created.

Now that I've had time to let things sink in I can finally see myself- as a mom. I find myself making huge decisions for my family now and not for myself.

I gave my two week notice to my Skybus Airlines yesterday, they took it really well and basically told me the door is open. It was nice to have support in my decision, even if it was saying goodbye. I'm offically now a newborn photographer for the major hospitals here in Columbus. How ironic! I'll be working on the maternity ward... how safer can you get?

I told my oldest sister I was worried about money and finding a new job...etc... she told me everything will work itself out. And so far- it has.

One of my favorite quotes says, "Every change is a form of liberation." And I honestly feel free... I don't feel trapped or even a bit upset about giving up certain things in my life. I feel ready for that next step, even if I am a little terrified! I have never felt more free and natural in my life!

I'm excited... excited to meet you, my angel- my baby :)

not a baby anymore

2010-02-12T09:51:00.000-08:00

We're almost finished bottle weaning. I'm a little late to the game, but we weren't ready and my mother in law said he'll let me know when he's ready and not to stress, and last night when he took a bottle of water instead of milk I knew it was time.

Jack's only taking water from the bottle before bed and before his afternoon nap, and drinks from a sippy the rest of the day. I can tell soon he probably won't even want that. I'm happy but also kind of sad... I feel like I'm closing part of the baby chapter :(

I think I maybe more of a mess the day we pack up the crib.

his happiness...

2010-02-10T19:37:00.001-08:00

... is my happiness.

believe it.

2010-02-10T18:32:00.001-08:00

Meal Planning for 2/5- 2/12

2010-02-05T18:31:00.000-08:00

$53.68 total

red seedless grapes

3 gallons whole milk

1 gallon 1%

2-whole wheat boxed mac & cheese

bananas

red onion

mozz. cheese

apple juice

apple slices

eggs

whole wheat pasta

2-fettuccini sauce

blueberry waffles

whole wheat bread

turkey lunch meat

peas

corn

carrots

zucchini

pumpkin muffin mix

semi sweet choco. chips

salad

Our Meal Plan this week:

(I had many items/meals left over from last week so that's why it was much cheaper this week.)

Whole wheat fettuccine alfredo with chicken (enough for two different meals)

Homemade chicken tenders & sweet potatoes

BBQ Chicken Pizza & salad (never made last week)

Turkey burgers on wheat buns & zucchini sticks

What I've been up to...

2010-02-03T10:41:00.000-08:00

It's been an insanely busy week, but I'm not complaining :)

Finished up another client's photo book Monday. Here's the cover and a few spreads from their book.

Brayden Kyle P. was born last night. My sister was induced at 6am, and called me around 4pm asking me to come. She wanted me there for the birth. I was more than thrilled, and the poor thing pushed for 3 1/2 hours... and finally at 11:43pm... the 23 inches long, 10lbs 11oz. chunkster made his way into the world :)

Did I mention I was so excited I forgot to grab MY CAMERA! And my flip video.... boo. These were all taken with my camera phone.

Introducing... Brayden Kyle

And tomorrow? Tomorrow my big sister, Lynnette, from North Carolina is flying in! I'm sooo excited. I was actually texting her and sending phone images during Jessica's birth, until I was yelled at and told texting was over. haha... she got very frustrated at the end which I can understand, did I mention she pushed for over 3 hours? And the kid was over 10lbs? ;)

We're suppose to go pick her up from the airport tomorrow. I'm going to make a sign and have Jack help decorate that says "Aunt 'nette" for Jack to hold (or stick to his stroller) when she comes out of the terminal :)

Hopefully I don't get lost! I use to be a flight attendant so you'd think I'd know where I was going, but they were doing massive construction when I left and I know it's much bigger now... pray I know where I'm going :)~

Live Simply.

2010-02-01T23:07:00.000-08:00

My goal is to live simply, greenly and frugally.

How do I do this? Well, with a lot of help from simplemom.net. It's an awesome site with some great tips. For me, getting back to the basics is what I want in my life. In fact I recently went to mint.com (an awesome financial site) and saw that our "shopping" was less than 3%. WOW! I guess I should be happy. I think I'm starting to actually get where I want to be.

I feel like when I was working full time, before Jack, we had less money. I don't know how to really describe it. Things are so different now, I mean trust me there is LESS money coming in... but I feel like we have more.

Yikes, 2:30 am... cutting this one short! Nite :)

Marriage Advice

2010-01-31T10:29:00.001-08:00

Meal Planning

2010-01-29T20:49:00.000-08:00

This week's dinner meals:

-whole wheat spaghetti & homemade meatballs + salad (bought enough supplies for two dinner nights)

-Cheese Quiche (crap I just realized I forgot to buy the spinach! ugh.)

-BBQ Chicken Pizza + salad (somehow I also forgot to buy the crust... wtf, I'm off tonight, lol)

-Turkey Burgers, whole wheat buns & zucchini sticks (bought enough ground turkey for two dinner nights)

-Chicken tenders, homemade honeymustard & salad

-Stuffed Banana French Toast (I have a lot of bananas that I didn't use this week for this recipe!)

So altogether with lunch supplies, extras, and snacks for us and Jack, and also ziplock freezer bags the total came to $76.95. Which isn't too bad since I'm trying to stay around $70 a week, I bought a few things in bulk so hopefully future purchases will be a little smaller and help me round out the total at the end of the month. Also a few of these dinners will be rather large and there will be leftovers, so it may stretch this week a little farther than normal.

Yay for budgeting! :)

Reminiscing

2010-01-28T21:00:00.000-08:00

::big sigh::

I can't believe this is me.

Obviously, pre-Jack days, me.

Have you ever heard that song "Sunscreen"... you know the one, wrote for the class of '99? There's a phrase that rings true for me and it goes a little something like this,

"Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not

understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.

But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and

recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before

you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine."

Someone tell me why this girl thought she was too fat to wear a two piece?

::sigh::

To be 18 again!

Thankful Four:

-Still waiting on Baby Brayden to make his appearance...

maybe he's holding off until Saturday so Aunt Olivia can make it to the hospital without having to find a sitter! LOL

-Joel got off early today, woot woot.

-Got some kickass photos of Jack today, notice the new header? :)

Jack Aiden

2010-01-28T14:42:00.000-08:00

Hilarious!

2010-01-25T11:52:00.000-08:00

lol, I love my boys...

Update about Gavin

2010-01-25T11:26:00.001-08:00

It gives me the chills to let everyone know he gets to go home tomorrow :)

Thanks for the prayers and well wishes.

Meal Planning

2010-01-24T19:21:00.000-08:00

My budget was $70, and I ended up spending $74... not too bad considering I threw in a pair of snow boots for Jack that I had not planned on buying.

This weeks meal plan:

Turkey Cutlets with Parmesan Crust + baked sweet potatoes

Whole Wheat French Toast + Turkey Bacon

Homemade Chicken Tenders + sweet peas/Salad

Whole Wheat Chicken Fettucini Alfredo + Salad

Low Fat, Low Sodium Broccoli & Cheese Soup + Salad

Deserts: Homemade Lemon Mousse w/raspberries on top/ Cook & serve Chocolate & Vanilla Pudding

Aside from the dinner menu, the extras for lunches and other meals: 2 boxes Whole Wheat Mac & Cheese for lunches, Whole Wheat Bread, 4 Gallons of milk, Apple Juice, Orange Juice, zucchini, bananas, shredded cheese, eggs, granny smith apples, honey graham crackers, yogurt melts, 3 whole chicken breasts... and children's motrin (Which isn't food, but it was part of the budget) 2% american single cheese slices.

Thankful Three:

I went out to dinner with my two favorite boys tonight and had a blast :)

Today is my sister's DUE DATE! Baby Brayden will be here soon and I'm so EXCITED!

And I'm also excited because my oldest sister will be flying in on the 4th to spend some time with us and to also meet baby Brayden.

Compassion

2010-01-22T17:18:00.000-08:00

When you help someone, when you give... it builds your spirit and heart. It's indescribable.

I'm really fortunate my family has raised me in a family that desires to give, and one thing I was taught was that you should always give more than you receive. And that when you give, it will always come back around.

I really hope I instill the same values in Jack, that my parents instilled in me. I honestly do not mind what he does when he grows up as long as he has a good heart, and he's an honest man. Your word, and your heart... that's what makes a great person.

My mom always had that "we can save the word" mentality... and although at times it wasn't realistic, it was genuine and she really cared for people... and I learned from her that you can help, even if it is small.

Think you can't help? You don't have the means? Well you can, you really can.

How?

Helping doesn't mean donating hundreds of dollars or even money necessarily, you can help those around you and across the globe in many ways.

-Give $5, $10... whatever it is you CAN give. Every little bit adds up.

-Donate clothing

-Donate non-perishable food items

-Your TIME

Helping is a really wide spread thing, there are many different ways. And I think it's important to strive to help others, to seek out to help those you can. And I think it's equally important to involve your children in the process.

I believe we have a responsibility to help those who cannot help themselves.

fighting back the tears...

2010-01-21T17:18:00.000-08:00

I've read several blogs of parents who's child is battling an illness, but I've never experienced this within my own family. It's never been on that real personal level... it hits you hard. Real hard.

A family friend I grew up with, her son, Gavin, who's currently three... has battled and beat cancer, and received a liver transplant in the process. He's a healthy boy now, and his liver transplant anniversary is coming up, Feb. 24th to be exact. His mother called me early Monday morning to ask about photos... it went straight to voicemail though, I was busy that day and was going to call back when I got a chance. She always has photos done around his transplant anniversary and she sends them to the donor's family & her family & friends. But before I got a chance to call back, things changed...

She and Gavin are currently at the Children's hospital in Cinny.

I found out from my mother where they were, and I have not called... I know they probably have enough family & friends calling and asking how they are doing. She posted on her facebook a link to her journal for people to read about how Gavin's doing. I've never read it before today, my mother mentioned it once before... She said she's read it and it really gives you a look into Rachel's mind and heart. My mother encouraged Rachel's mother to read it herself but she said it's too hard.

Well, I read it tonight for the first time and I had to fight back the tears... we're pulling for them, praying for them and thinking of them. I grew up with Rachel, and her siblings... her mother is like an Aunt to me, they've been there for me always....

I wanted to write about Gavin and his mother Rachel because I wanted to ask if you'd say a prayer for Gavin...

They're awesome people, and I hope things start to look up soon.

You should really meet Gavin & Rachel.

Thankful Three:

-I'm thankful that Jack is a healthy baby boy, because after hearing about Gavin... it makes you realize just how much you really take for granted.

-For my new friend Jessica. She's a cool mom who lives above me and I've been looking for new friendship and someone to hang out with. I was really having a hard time meeting people in London.

-And I'm thankful for Joel, because I swear no one can make me laugh like he does... he had me cracking up today before he left for work.

what I've been up to...

2010-01-20T17:32:00.000-08:00

work work and more work.

But it doesn't feel like work :)

(Here's a few sneak peeks of a client's book I've been working on.)

Thankful Three:

-That I got to sleep in today, thank you Joel!

-Although it was messy, it was funny and cute when Jack got marshmallows in his hair.

-When Jack was having a rough time falling asleep for his afternoon nap, I went in & read him a book in the softest voice I have. I felt like it really made him relax... he even exhaled. I felt like I had that "mother's touch" in that moment and he went right to bed afterwards. :)

Snow Day!!!

2010-01-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

Okay snow days are not that fun anymore... it means we're stuck at home, which means cabin fever. Soooo today I made sure to dig us out and head to walmart, which is the only store within safe distance really.... I went to walmart with Jack, and my neighbor Jess who lives above me with her baby girl, Emma. Hey, it kept us sane and I needed to go grocery shopping :)

And in honor of the snow day... lol.

Joel took this of me the day it was below zero. I have no shame. We call this the turtle hat.

Oh and my thankful three...

I'm thankful that we got to escape today and I got to spend time with my new friend Jess, and that I got a lot of dishes done, lol. And I'm thankful for a nice warm home, it's been so cold lately, sometimes we forget how lucky we truly are.

54 years young

2010-01-05T22:17:00.000-08:00

My thankful three for the day...

I'm thankful that me and Jack got to visit my dad today. We took him a cake for his birthday and stayed for supper.

This morning, Jack climbed up in his rocking chair in his room with a book... and pretended to read it to himself... upside down :) It made me smile. It was so sweet. I was folding clothes and putting them in his closet and took a break to sit with him and read it.

And this evening I really started to miss Joel. But I like that feeling... because it makes me excited when he walks in the door. I just want to be around him, snuggle with him :)

Many Blessings

2010-01-04T20:11:00.001-08:00

One of my New Years resolutions was to be a more positive person. One way I'm going to do that is by writing at least three things everyday I am thankful for.

(Well maybe not everyday... when I get around to it, I'm trying to be more flexible remember? I hate when something fun becomes a chore!)

They can be a task I accomplished, something that made me smile or something that I just realized how much I love in my life.

I had many blessings today... Joel let me sleep in, me and Jack shared a really sweet bedtime routine (bath, bottle and two books) and of course he soaked me during bath time by splashing like crazy. And I'm getting caught up on my reading tonight (I'm behind 3 chapters).

I can't believe how long that took me to think about & come up with... I think this will be good for me. It makes me search for the good in everyday :)

"Don't worry... about a thing"

2010-01-03T21:14:00.000-08:00

"Cause every little things...gonna be alright."

"You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happiness now. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged. Perhaps you will forget tomorrow the kind words you say today, but the recipient may cherish them over a lifetime." -Dale Carnegie

Me and Joel participated in the "Give Anissa a Hand" project. It's for a mother of three who is in a very difficult position in her life. She's got a lot to fight for and her husband reached out online and asked for people to help him encourage her because he can't do it alone. I don't know Anissa personally, but I read her blog and thought a single kind word to a stranger can be just as powerful, so I asked Joel to join in and we photographed our hands together. I read that once during a bad day, her little boy started to sing the song "Three Little Birds" and through her tears she joined in... I felt like that song probably meant a lot to her so that's what we chose for our message.

Today the final project was posted, and I was really happy to see our message was something that hit so close to home.

Give Anissa a Hand from davezwife on Vimeo.

You should really meet Anissa.

Meal Planning Ideas

2010-01-01T11:36:00.001-08:00

Master List for Meal Planning

Main Course:

pork chops

quiche

homemade pizza

French Toast casserole

whole wheat fettuccini alfredo & veggies (or chicken)

baked BBQ chicken
baked teriyaki chicken

chicken and dumplings

chicken pot pie

grandma Geuy's chili

mexican casserole

fajitas

hamburgers

lasagna

meatloaf

pot roast & veggies in the crock pot

bbq pulled pork sandwiches in the crock pot

spaghetti

steak

stir fry

pancakes

light broccoli cheese soup

breakfast casserole
healthy homemade chicken tenders

Sides:

deviled eggs

rice

baked potato

baked sweet potato

mashed potatoes

cheesy potatoes

bacon

green bean casserole

cheese ball & crackers (catalina/onion)

baked sweet potato

steak fries

chips & salsa

Guacamole & chips

fruit:

strawberries

oranges

watermelon

bananas

apples

grapes

pineapple

veggies:

corn

zucchini

salad

green beans

sweet peas

avocado

breakfast:

breakfast bars

bagel

pancakes

waffles

eggs

...not everything is listed, this will be updated constantly, but hopefully over time this will actually become my master list...

Happy New Year B!tches!

2010-01-01T10:41:00.000-08:00

Maybe one of my resolutions should be to stop cursing... hmm

So I quietly rang in the New Year with the hubby. We went to bed about five minutes before the ball dropped. ha I guess for the next few years we'll be having a rather quiet NYE since little Jack. I don't mind, we were never big on NYE anyways.

I decided to list my New Years Resolutions... so in no particular order, here they are:

1) Making health a large priority in my life. It's always taken the back seat, and I think it's time to make it a habit, not only for myself, but for Jack. He needs two healthy parents and he needs good examples. My first step in making this happen is by joining a gym by the end of January.

2) Visit more people. I want to spend at least one day a week visiting my grandparents, Joel's Uncle Bever who is currently in a home, or just reaching out to a friend I haven't seen in awhile. I'm kind of bad at this. I'm a big homebody and just need to be a little more social and put myself out there.

3) Take more time for US.

4) Simplify. And by simplify I mean my home, and also the promises I make to people.

5) Be a more happy and positive person. I struggle with this. I think just growing up around so much negativity that it sometimes consumes me. Attitude wasn't a big thing growing up and I'd like to be able to control mine a little better!

6) Give most of my time and energy to those who deserve it. I'm talking about not wasting time on someone who wouldn't even consider doing the same for me. There are so many people who are always there for me and would do anything for me and I feel like I should be giving back just as much to them and not wasting time on those who don't matter.

7) Do something crazy and fun :) I have no idea what, ideas are welcome! haha

8) Being the best mom I can be. I'd like to have one day a week devoted to Jack. Like a special trip somewhere for just us to bond and have a good time. Nothing too deep, just something like Chuck E Cheese, the park or Bounce World... something fun and memorable. I want him to just enjoy being a kid. A lot of days are filled with errands, trips to the grocery store, etc. and that's totally normal but I want him to have a fun day too.

9) Continue to pay off old debt. We're almost debt free... it's taking a little longer than anticipated, but we're doing a great job putting the extra money where it belongs.

10) Remember that goals are just goals, and not following them to a "T" won't make me a failure but flexible :) So I guess that's my last resolution, to be more flexible.

11) OH! I forgot two! Read more & take more time for meee :)

Happy Holidays

2009-12-31T18:16:00.000-08:00

better late than never...

It's a big world baby...

2009-12-09T22:35:00.000-08:00

...and you're a little for a little while...

Man, if this photo doesn't give you baby fever then I don't know what will. I photographed this little guy on his 15th day of life.

My littlest client, baby Owen:

setting goals & taking the leap

2009-12-02T21:31:00.000-08:00

I feel like my photography is not where I'd like it to be. I know I can do better, but not without more education. I've been thinking about this for the past few weeks and I think if I put my mind to it I can really do what I WANT to do and be really good at it.

I'll be putting my business on hold, maybe a few months, maybe a year. I'm not sure, but I'm going to take some time off and read a LOT of books, look at a LOT of artwork and photographs. I'm not going to take courses at a college because I have taken photography classes before, and I feel as though I can do this on my own with a lot of determination and passion.

I'd like to specialize in newborn photography, possibly maternity too I'm not really sure. Once I feel as though I really do have all the tools I need to get where I need to be, I'll be figuring out where it is the direction I want to my photography in. I'll probably be starting up a whole new company.

Anne Geddies is a big inspiration of mine. A lot of people don't know it, but most of her shots are SOOC (straight out of camera). No photoshop, no actions, nothing! That amazes me. That's what I want. I feel like I'm leaning on photoshop too much, and I'd like to get back to basics.

I saw this today and it really describes the way I feel, I feel like things are getting blurry. I want a signature. I want people to look at a photo of mine and FEEL something. And know that I took it.

"Every time you outsource something, put something on automatic, or get software to do it for you, you put up another layer. After a while, these layers add up. They blur your vision. You lose touch with the core of what you’re doing."

Happy Holidays :)

2009-11-24T07:20:00.000-08:00

My Christmas Wish List

2009-11-20T22:37:00.000-08:00

Since I haven't made one of these since I was a kid, I thought it might be a good idea since I never know what I want anymore. I'll be editing this post frequently :)

What I've been up to...

2009-11-18T17:27:00.000-08:00

Annoyed.

2009-10-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

Just so the whole world knows, this is a blog about my life and family and my experience as a photographer. This is not a photography website or my business website whatsoever. My business website if you care to know is www.OliviaBeth.com.

I was recently banned from the bump for "advertising" when I posted some senior photos I took of a family friend. And there was not a link to my business website anywhere inside the post.

There are so many "photographers" that post their work on the Bump and they never get banned. Someone even asked that I share more, so the first time in months I shared and I got freaking banned. Last time I decide to be an attention whore.

So in honor of my banning... presenting one of the senior photos :)

lonely nights

2009-10-15T22:03:00.000-07:00

Joel's working a double again tonight, second time this week. The money's good but the lonely nights are not my thing. I find myself staying up super late waiting like he's going to walk through the front door any minute even though I know it's not going to happen. I just need to force myself to go to bed. Tomorrow is going to be rough since he'll be sleeping all morning and then he has to go to work again. At least he can't be froze again... by law they can't do it two nights in a row.

Saturday we're heading down South to the camp site with his parents and siblings and their families. It'll be nice to get away, plus this time of year... it's beautiful down there with all the hills and the trees are all different colors. It's called the leaf festival.

Jack's 1st Haircut

2009-10-10T21:43:00.000-07:00

So I finally caved and chopped off the curls. I'm kind of sad but pretty positive they'll grow back considering I had lots of them as a child. I honestly didn't think he'd be so upset. He cried and screamed the whole time but our stylist was experienced and was super fast! It probably took 3 minutes and he was done. It was cute, he got a certificate that said he had his first haircut, a lock of hair and a photo when he was all finished. We went to Cookie Cutters and will be going back in the future, they did an awesome job and it's a great place to take a child since mine isn't very fond of getting a haircut it seems.

Part 1, waiting for his haircut and happy as a clam:

And the crying and screaming during his haircut. Poor guy...

Two Year Anniversary

2009-09-24T12:46:00.000-07:00

I married Joel two years ago... September 23, 2007.

@ Yahoo! Video