I was hoping to write this post one day.

A lot of my posts from December are encrypted with worry and doubt...

Subconscious
she's all laid up in bed with a broken heart...

I wrote these when I knew we were pregnant, but I didn't know if it was another ectopic pregnancy.

Everything was happening as it did last time; negative pregnancy tests and then positive the next week.  I wanted so badly to just talk it out, but Joel's not the talking type when he's genuinely upset.  We were both hurting.  We were keeping it a secret too so it was extra hard.  Why do we do this to ourselves?

The thought of another day like this, killed me.

I posted this music video when I really needed him, but I didn't know how to say it...

I was in the bedroom when I heard him play the video.  I heard him slowly get up and come into our room, and he gave me a hug and I just sobbed.  It was exactly what I needed.  God, just writing it here makes me cry.  It was everything I needed.

Now here we are around four or five blood tests and two ultrasounds later... with a normal pregnancy.  I have morning sickness like a mother (pun intended) so I know my body is doing what it's suppose to.

We can finally stop holding our breath...